It’s nice to walk alone in the woods.
Sometimes I like to hold my own hand.
There are days that I never get in a single fight
(this happens each day. The quiet is comfort.)
When I’m naked I whisper “you’re beautiful,”
then I glide my fingers across my skin,
raising goosebumps like little love children.
When I need someone to talk to I start talking,
I always listen.
I know all my favorite foods, and
when I’m driving down the road I point out
all the cool things I don’t want me to miss.
A few weeks ago I was sick, and I brought
tissues whenever I needed them. I even stayed up
all night long because I couldn’t sleep; I kept
saying over and over, “you’ll be alright baby,
just get some rest.”
I look my best in sweats at 1 a.m. with raccoon eyes
because I couldn’t stop painting.
There’s a ring in my cigar box that I keep safe.
I gave it to myself as a promise
that I’ll always love me.
Sometimes it’s nice to walk alone in the woods
(But sometimes it’s scary.)
If I stitch together
every letter you wrote me;
make a canopy to keep out the rain
a single card above my head
with one written word to occupy my mind-
Apple. It also came with
a $1 bill. But I spent that.
Now if I had all the trees back
from all the peices of paper
I stitched together writing to you
I wouldn’t need a canopy
to keep out the rain.
I’m looking for a new penpal.
I still find in me
the desire to make
I also find
the girl who made
up her mind.
So I stay,
still in my needs
and my mind.
I don’t think you understand
I gave you my mind, that’s a very big deal.
See, my body is just a thing.
It has limits I cannot control.
My heart does not belong to me;
You cannot posess love.
But my mind has always been my escape,
my secret world where everything is
Or at least it was, until I gave it to you.
Then it was ours.
You get upset because I shared my body,
but I die inside knowing you’re sharing our mind.
Mine, yours, ours.
These are just pronouns,
these are just things
that cannot be possessed.
My first Eckhart Tolle book! I’m already in awe, and nothing major has been said yet.
I went resaling today to find work pants; found a pair for $1 :)
Finished my dads crossword, ate a colorfull dinner, now I’m drinking my very first ever cup of chocolate soy milk, yummy.
Also, I washed my car today for the first time all winter.
All in all, just another day further along.
Long day. I read through poetry from this summer- discovering new meaning in old themes is an incredible feeling. These words breathe, they grow, they are truly alive and I don’t have to change a thing. They are time capsules of feelings from long nights spent chasing every form of genuine truth. I am proud of myself.
This is a quote from January. I planned on marrying myself; declaring love for all that is me. I tied myself to learning about my Self, someone I am completely enamoured with. This was part of my vows- to write poetry to myself, and lay it on my pillow; a message of love to myself at the days end. I know what I’m doing tomorrow!
21.03.13. Thursday. This candle is named “radiant retreat.” it makes me think of my therapists guesthouse; it’s on a lake and has a yoga/art studio and an outdoor shower. My radiant retreat. She rents it out, I’m trying to manifest something ;)
I am drinking almond milk. It is thick and rich and unique, and comforts me as the sky grows dark. My new book to read is titled “the fine arts of relaxation, concentration, and meditation: ancient skills for modern minds.” I look for teachers anywhere I can find them.
My coworker, Jamie, told me today that I have a very good energy, she thanked me. I may be ready for society afterall. Later on, another coworker of mine began complaining about Jamie and I (we are hostesses, she is a server.) on my walk tonight I thought, Jessica is like a snowflake. Just watch her fall.
Also, I arrived early and grumpy to work, so I squeezed in a 10 minute meditation, only I set my alarm incorrectly… I awoke from my meditation at the exact intended time, my intuition being magic again.
Dinner was salad and grapes.
I am reading a book called “The Art of Learning” by Josh Waitzkin. I like learning.
More snow fell today. Morning walk: fluffy powder kicked up by paws and boots, rare winter shadows across the one lane back road- proof of his prescence, that sun peeking through the trees to say hello to me and to light up the crystals in the flakes to make the ground so sparkly fairies were jealous.
Did three nice things with two hands- snowblowed my families driveway, my neighbors driveway, and cleaned off my sisters car for her as a surprise before she left for work. It’s a good thing I was focusing on not needing recognition because she did not thank me.
I ate a salad and jarred peaches for lunch.
I went to orientation for my job at a diner :)
I drove around looking for a uniform (I start tomorrow at 8 am) instead, I ended up buying a cute, comfy and cheap outfit which I’ll blog tomorrow.
I feel empty; I am trying to let go of the false me, but I find myself without the energy to connect to my true self at all times. So I sit, a shell called a person, uninterested and vaguely lonely.
17.03.13. Sunday. Today I had a yummy breakfast of scrambled eggs and strawberries, I took my dog on a walk through the woods, I had dogs pulling children on sleds down my street, and I attended a 2 hour meditation class. I feel stale.
In this picture I thought it looked a bit like I had antennas.
Also, it is St. Pattys day, and it’s also my grandmother Patsy’s birthday. Shout out to her love :)